Real life just isn’t as interesting … …

"Hello there, and welcome to the first in the new series of Never Mind the Buzzcocks.

Now last time around, we ruffled some feathers. Some feathers were ruffled. A couple of noses were put out of joint, but I think what people have forgotten is that this is just a fun pop show, everything is said in jest, so I thought it would be nice to start this series with something I made yesterday:

*shiny happy music and badly manipulated pictures of kittens*

There you go: I don’t really think that Girls Aloud are boring, or the Kooks aren’t that good, or that Westlife are a tired a vile disease who prey on mentally-ill Woolworth’s shoppers and find it acceptable to cover a Michael Bublé song from 2 years ago and should be subject to a marathon punching and gouging session before being stabbed in the legs, burnt alive and then stuffed and hung in the British museum under a sign that reads “Dead Old Shit”

My guide to knowing if you've got a problem ... ¬_¬

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:51:07 GMT

Written because whenever I have coursework that needs doing, something always seems to be more urgent ... like ... my CD collection suddenly needs to be arranged in by colour ... ... or I need to work out how many bottles on conditioner in my bathroom are actually empty ... ... or I just need a moment to myself so I can stare into space and work out how the patterns in the paint on my ceiling were made ... ...

So here you go ...

You know you’re a completely and utterly hopeless shipper when … …

… You’re so desperate to read fanfiction about your latest pairing that you’ve even started reading those fics which are just one very long and very badly spelt paragraph, written by a twelve year old girl, begging for reviews and claiming flamurz r haterz

… You’ve come to ignore that headache behind your eyes that comes from spending 4 hours straight on the internet in the middle of the night, reading fanfiction and fangasming over icons involving your OTP

… Anyone who even slightly complains about your OTP is instantly, blocked, deleted and glared at evilly from across the classroom for the next 20 years

… You decided that that kitten-burning, boyfriend-stealing, playboy-bunny-in-training prostitute that you’ve always hated isn’t quite as bad as you thought … because she supports your OTP …

… You sit in your English classroom and start thinking that Sheila Birling and the Inspector are just a multi-chapter fanfic waiting to happen

… You even consider entering said fanfic as your English coursework

… You search youtube, stag6 and every other video streaming website you can think of, just to find that one scene in last night’s episode where your OTP’s hand touch for about a second

… You see said hand-touching as a divine sign from god that your OTP were meant to be

… You actually start to growl at the computer/television when anyone who even slightly threatens the happiness of your OTP comes on the screen

… World hunger and global warming seem trivial the second your OTP has a fight

… The folders on your computer are full of half-finished fanfics about your OTP

… Every time you hear a song on the radio you think “this would be a perfect songfic for my OTP!!11”

… Even reading this list is giving you a fantastic idea for a fanfic

… You would consider asking a pair of complete stranger for a photo of them together, just because they look slightly like your OTP

… You go into a slightly comatosed state of denial whenever somebody sinks your ship

… The drop-down box on google images is filled with phrases such as “Remy/Rogue pictures” “ROMY” “ROMY fanart” “Remy and Rogue” “Rogue and Remy” “People who look like Rogue and Remy” “People who look like Remy and Rogue” “Pictures of couples with Remy and Rogue’s heads stuck over them”

… You’re reading this list and nodding without a single ounce of shame

… You can think of at least 100 other examples of why you’re a complete and utter shipper

… You’re already writing a fanfic about how your OTP bonds over their mutual love of shipping